Sunday, July 26, 2009
scent of rose
@10:26 PM
After being free for 10 days, I am now back to my jail. I wasn`t jailed forcefully, though. I am voluntarily jailing my self in a garden of roses. A weed trying to suffocate itself in a garden with the scent of roses. Their scent are unlike mine. They smelled sweet, I smelled bitter and sometimes, I smelled nothing but emptiness.
Each rose were meant to be a rose ever since. They're properly nurtured each day, to become the best looking flower. And I, a weed, am meant to injure them. That is how I feel.
Tomorrow will be, seemingly, terrible.
Though I won't be bored with the sight of people passing me by or, if lucky, saying 'Hi!', I`d be in misery... agony. I'm unfitted.
raindrops are falling like tears, maiyumi.co.nr
Friday, July 24, 2009
NO TGIF, please?
@2:17 PM
The classes are almost resumed.
I'm at my friend's house to relish the last days of this short vacation.
I want an update.
raindrops are falling like tears, maiyumi.co.nr
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
loneliness.
@10:47 PM
I felt like I don't want to blog at all today. I have lots of ideas but I can't seem to say the right words whenever I try to rant them down here. I'm not really good at expression through words, you know.
Anyway, I took this quiz at Facebook. The "What are you secretly hiding from everyone?" quiz. And the result is... *drum rolls* LONELINESS. And it says:
Loneliness: You secretly feel lonely. Word of advise...If you really feel this way tell someone. Letting someone know how you feel helps you to get over loneliness. Knowing that someone cared enough to listen to you and the fact that someone knows how you feel normally makes you fell a little less lonely.
HA! That was expected. I accept this fact. And if I were to rate the scale of loneliness I have everyday, it would be 10/24 hours.
I'm really into telling my closest friends about my problems and all that is happening in my life but I guess, humans can't really get rid of loneliness. And since loneliness is my "major" this time, I suppose that I'm feeling lonely more than everyone else.
Going out at night, being with friends, and spending time with lots of people around has always been my routine since then. At the end of the day, when I'm alone, loneliness accentuates. It is something I've been feeling even before, and I know all of us are feeling it. It's telling me that even when I am surrounded with a lot of people, I'm still lonely.
There is too much loneliness inside me and I wish they would all just go away. Though I'm afraid it never will.
raindrops are falling like tears, maiyumi.co.nr
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Expected
@1:51 PM
Today, the rain poured. Something expected.
I'm waiting for a text that is supposedly unexpected. Is it possible, being able to wait but is not expecting? Yes, it might be possible. Waiting and expecting are two different words after all. And by different, I mean they have their own distinctions. But it won't be different if you've waited and it never came. It would be the same as expecting for something that never happened.
After waiting for the last trip that never came, you're then stuck in a place you've always wanted to leave. You can not just move on easily, because you've already missed the last trip. That feeling has always been there in me whenever I try to expect or not.
This is not what I planned to write when I was on the shower. Oh no, I failed. I wish I can write entries with more sense.
raindrops are falling like tears, maiyumi.co.nr
Monday, July 20, 2009
as dull as the clouds that i like.
@11:40 AM
Yesterday, I thought today would make a good entry. I was wrong because today is dull, still. I`m thinking of diabolical ways to spend the days as okay as possible.
Today, I woke up with the greatest weather I could ever imagine. The one that could make me feel like I wanna hit the beach alone or watch sunflowers bloom. Dull weather. Cloudy. I`ve always fancied the weather like todays. Not wet, not humid, not hot!
That was appealing, the weather. I couldn't think of anything good to write about because there is nothing interesting in here. Maybe, taking a long walk to nowhere can rescue me.
raindrops are falling like tears, maiyumi.co.nr
Sunday, July 19, 2009
revive~
@12:57 PM
These past few days, I've been feeling down. A bit, that is. Maybe, these are one of those unhappy and unworthy-of-blogging days to me. These are just one of those days. I browsed on my past entries and read each and every single word from it, and then I realized how simple-minded I was before, even now. I've come to realize that some of the entries were happy and very sunny. Maybe, I've been used to write everytime I'm happy and sunny. Then when you look through it again, there aren't much updates. Every month contains 2 to 4 entries. Or worst, just 1 entry. Meaning, those days that I have not been able to blog are busy days or perhaps... one of those sad and unworthy of blogging days.
Anyhow, this post is to revive my blog. I've been dying to discharge all sorts of evil and holiness inside me everytime.
I have been thinking of deleting some past entries that seemed shameful now. Sadly, I can't. Being ashamed of what happened in the past isn't really my thing in reality. But lately, it had been a hobby. And I do not like that. To erase entries from the past here, will prove my interest in not moving on.
raindrops are falling like tears, maiyumi.co.nr
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
click :)
@3:10 PM
lately, i`ve been thinking that I`m almost abandoning my blog again. Aside from schooling, I also go partey with friends, watch D.Gray-Man or other anime, update some online obligations and even update my site. I couldn`t keep up much when it comes to updating my blog. It`s sad. :(
But you know, after I watch anime and do all stuffs, I swear i`m really planning to blog but it`s just..... impossible. hahaha
anyway, nufff of the excuses. haha. I`m effin bored right now. I wanna skip school again. Everyone`s sick and my brain is deteriorating... self-destructing. I`m starting to envy my brother. He graduated last summer and he`s effin busy with procrastinating.
Labels: anime, boring
raindrops are falling like tears, maiyumi.co.nr
