Now, now, now. I`ve been to busy to update this blog. And know what? I`ve been so damn unwell recently. After two successful months of being carefree-single-teenage-girl-and-not-inlove-with-anybody, I am now [again] feeling LONELINESS.

btw, i'm so annoyed because I'm not that free in our house because there are lots of people and i hate them all.

According to Karla's Philosophy Teacher [who is a witch-like-teacher], long long time ago human beings are composed of two persons. It's like they are tied somewhere in the waist or something. Human beings are composed of two persons [a boy & a girl], but more often than not some are composed of a boy & a boy or a girl and a girl. So there are two bodies each human beings and four hands, two head etc. (did you get the point?) Okay, so one day they committed a sin. No, not really a sin but somehow they broke a rule that the Gods didn't like. As to what sin or rule it is, I forgot. GOD DAMN, what an absolute waste of momentum. I`ll just ask Karla next time. Anyway, where are we...so...uh yeah, they broke a rule that is why human beings are punished. The Gods make every human beings (that are two persons) TWO. The Gods cut the tie between those two individuals and throw each far from one another. They separated the other half, whether its a boy&girl or girl&girl or boy&boy (which is why there are homosexuals or something like that). So right now, we are all incomplete because our other half is not with us. We are all here to find them but it does not mean that those other half are the people that we are going to marry BUT they are just a mere part of us that we need to find just because we are LONELY and they fill the missing part in us.


I hope you get the story. I don't really write that well in English. So, based from above. That explains my being unwell and lonely right now. PLUS, I found a new object of affection again. I LIKE HIM. But, I'm afraid that he is already taken or maybe I don't want to believe on my LYING HEART. Okay, forgive my heart forgive my self. I believe in what I'm feeling but then I just want to make sure that I am not overdoing things like this. I really want to believe my heart - that it's not telling me lies. However, my heart is a bit foolish.

I wish I was not this prideful (LOL). Shame on me. Because I can see my friends falling for some people and I understand them but I think I'm incapable of loving because I really dig into the flaws and then later on I'll just make that someone an object for LAUGHTRIP. LOL. Or maybe, that's it. I am not incapable of loving but I haven't been inlove yet or I haven't been inlove since the last time I`ve been. HAHAHAHA~!

Even if I resemble a robot, I still do have feelings anyway.

So, let's talk about that new object of affection. BTW, VNECK is just infatuation that I almost rip myself because it's a biiiiiiiig and severe social blunder. HECK, and now he wants to steal my heart or maybe bring out that infatuation again. HAHAHA~! Sorry, I'm done with it. What a stupid and lame infatuation. Anyway, I've done it a lot of times already that's why right now, I'm being careful and I need to identify if is this feeling is real or another illusion.


hahahaha~! Someone introduced me to him and I'm sad because he didn't recognize me after that. However, we were introduced again so I think I caught his attention. Mind you, I didn't plan those things ah? Even if I'm such a play maker, but this time it was all a mere coincidence. That is one of the weird things (or should I say its different because I didn't make the play compared to all my other object of affections). And when we see each other at school, I can't look at him straight in the eyes because I'm too stunned. HAHAHA~! And he who doesn't even know I exist before, gives me a second look now. Mind you, I never even noticed him before that someone introduced us to each other. I began crushing on him right after we were introduced so... that's how it went.

However, I'm jotting it here because I can't talk to anyone right now because they are all asleep and I can't talk to my friends when I'm at school either because as much as I doubt that I like him enough, they too doubt that it'll last.

DUH~! I am not really wishing that it will last (OMFG, why are we talking about a lasting feeling, soooo gay) because I don't think we will be friends. However, I still hope and OMG I have aaaaaaaaaaalll the fighting spirit in the world so after this post, I'll believe in my deepest hell-heart that we will be friends and FRIENDS... HAHAHAHA~! What a lame looser.

so, that belief will start NOWWWWWWWWWWW.

PS: I'm now believing that we will be great friends soon!
HAHAHAHA

Labels: fiancee, lovelife, philosophy